Always
by passing on the pixy dust
Summary: MalikRyou- Malik starts to wonder about Ryou and if he's hiding something well he is, and angst follows. so will they be torn apart or brought closer together? shounen-aiyaoi. revisedcomplete


Warnings/disclaimer-I don't own Yu-gi-oh damn. I don't own the song 'Always' by Saliva. Damn again. This is a shounen-ai fic, light yaoi, kisses and handholding and angst (mostly the last). Pg-13. Safe unless you're a homophobe. Which if you are please go to hell. You're not welcome in my world. Oh yeah don't own Yu-gi-oh. Malik POV.

Pairing-Ryou/Malik

_*_*_

I hear a voice say don't be so blind  
it's telling me all these things  
that you would probably hide  
  


"Malik."

"What Bakura?" I turned to face him.

"Did you break up with Ryou?" Bakura demanded.

"What? No I haven't, what made you think so?" I am so confused what the hell is Bakura talking about?

"He's been locking himself in his room, going out a lot, and blocking me from his mind. Did you hurt him?" Bakura stepped forward menacingly.

"No! I haven't done anything, I have no idea why Ryou's acting like that, I can maybe ask him if you want." I said trying to calm Bakura, I'm not a fan of when he's pissed, tends to get bloody.

Bakura was thinking, he glared at me. "If you hurt him I'll kill you." He then turned and left. I sighed, that was really weird, of course I hadn't done anything to Ryou, I hadn't even seen him in a week, we were going together tomorrow night, we'd both been busy over spring break I missed him. but why was he cutting off Bakura? That was unlike him. thoughts started racing and I couldn't shut them off, what if I had done something to him, what if he didn't like me anymore what if he was depressed because he wanted out of the relationship. 

//you're being paranoid Malik, go talk to him. he is your koi you know.//

/Yami can you stay out of my love life? /

//but your so cute when you worry Malik.//

/shut up and go screw Joey./ I felt my yami's intrusion disappear he seemed to have taken my advice, scary. My thoughts instantly turned back to Ryou.

am I your one and only desire  
am I the reason you breathe  
or am I the reason you cry  
  


What if I was hurting him? We hadn't spent a lot of time together lately even before the break maybe he thought I didn't care anymore. No, I love him, I'll always love him, he knows that.

  
_Always always always always always always always  
I just can't live without you  
  
_

What if he doesn't love me?

The world stopped. Ryou… I love Ryou and he loves me, he couldn't just… wake up Malik! Stop doing this to yourself you have no idea what's wrong with Ryou, it could be anything! Talk to him!

Okay now I must be going crazy I'm talking to myself. I just need to forget about it til I can talk to him. I'm seeing him tomorrow, everything will be fine, everything's fine, there's nothing to worry about…

I repeated the mantra as I walked home, I entered the apartment, empty as usual. Isis was working (I swear she doesn't know how to stop I only see her about once a week) and Yami was…well I really don't want to know. Best not to know in most cases when it came to him. I walked around a bit, starting tidying things, damn it I'm doing it again! I clean when I get emotional or worried; I really hate it, it's like obsessive compulsive or something. 

  
_I love you  
I hate you  
I can't get around you_

Shit, I can't get Ryou off my mind, maybe I should call. Yeah I'll call him. I walked to the phone in a haze, just dial the number,…. Okay it's ringing, .

"hi, you've reached the Bakura residence leave a message after the beep and we'll get back to you."

"it's Malik, calling for Ryou, if you have time give me a call  just wanted to say hi talk a bit..  if not see you tomorrow night.."

There, it's done, no use worrying I've done what I can. Now what to do?  Damn it, I have nothing to do. Except worry about Ryou. Why can't I stop thinking about him! I need to stop stressing before I start cleaning again… Okay, TV watch something, that'll help. So what's on? MTV-spring break, no thanks, country music, please kill me first …kid cartoons…old movies…some anime… baseball.. nothing nothing nothing, I turned off the TV. Nothing I wanted to watch. So now what, I sat one the couch in a daze, eventually I ate, and went to bed still thinking about Ryou, damn albino pixie.

_I breathe you  
I taste you_

I even dreamed about the boy, my Ra I am obsessed with this, all Bakura had to open his big mouth and put doubts into my head, I knew Ryou loved me didn't I? I'd never questioned it before.  But.. those damn what if's you couldn't escape. And I couldn't even imagine the truth.

_  
I can't live without you  
I just can't take any more  
this life of solitude_

I got ready for our date, brushed my hair and put on some clean clothes. We'd planned to meet at the game shop, it was right in-between where we lived, neither of us had to go too far. I locked the apartment and started walking down the stairs, my heart going a mile a minute, this was sad I wouldn't see him for another ten minutes and I was panicking with what if's.  

What if he wants to break up with you?

What if he doesn't love you?

What if  he hates you?

What if..

What if.

_  
I guess that I'm out the door  
and now I'm done with you  
  
_

I couldn't escape the thoughts, I kept walking and tried to be calm, there was no reason to worry. There was no reason to worry. No reason to worry. No reason… 

I wish there hadn't been.

"Ryou!" I called, he was out front of  the shop waiting; "am I late?"

"no. right on time." Ryou gave me a faint smile. He looked less than happy, depressed even, not a good sign.

" I missed you, it's been way too long," I held his hand as we started walking, that was how its' supposed to be, us; together;  "so where do we want to go? Food? Movie? Anything." 

"let's go eat." Ryou said not really looking me in the eye..

  okay, I think I was right something's up, I'll bring it up at dinner, "where should we go there's a pizza place a block that way, there's a  McDonald's and a Mexican place there too, or Chinese food, which is the other way."

"I'm thinking pizza."

"good call, let's go." We started walking, the sun started setting, I looked, the rays were hitting Ryou and he looked so beautiful, I sound like a love struck teenage girl. But you could defiantly say love struck. Yeah, the boy has me wrapped around his finger. Ryou has something about him, Bakura told me once 'he gets to you, starts making you think things you've never thought, starts to soften you.' I laughed in my head, that's why Bakura spent most of his time away. He was afraid Ryou would make him soft. Ryou has an affect on everyone, it's impossibly hard to hate him and you can't stand to see him depressed. It's all double effective on me. 

we entered the restaurant and sat down, we ordered a pizza and waited, it was quiet, not our usual comfortable quiet but one of those awkward ones.

  _  
I feel like you don't want me around  
  
_

"Ryou?" 

"yes." He looked at me, he'd been looking around, he seemed to be debating something, and it didn't make me feel any better, I had butterflies in my stomach and too many thoughts in my head.

"is something wrong? You seem distracted." There, leave it at that, if it was nothing we could move on and if there was something he'd tell me.  

Ryou, looked down and bit his lip, there was a something, oh Ra, just don't make it too bad I pleaded in my head.

His answer surprised me, he leaned across the table and kissed me. I was too surprised to do anything but return the action. Gods I loved Ryou's kisses, but something was different, that whole night things had been different, but even Ryou's kisses tasted different.

He pulled, away, and looked down again, "Malik..I have to tell you something, so please, listen and don't say anything til I'm done."

I nodded to signal I understood, oh Ra this was it, something really was wrong.

_I guess I'll pack all my things  
I guess I'll see you around_

"I don't know how to say it all so sorry if I don't make a lot of sense. I want you to know how much I care about you; I don't want to hurt you but I have too tell you anyway, keeping it secret will only make it hurt more later-"

_  
Its all been bottled up until now  
as I walk out your door  
all I hear is the sound_

"-I'm sorry Malik, I don't' even know how it happened. But….I-I…"

"it's okay, tell me what happened, I love you no matter what."_  
  
Always always always always always always   
I just can't live without you  
  
_

the pizza came, we both ignored it and Ryou tried to start again. This really didn't look good.

"Malik, I love you-"_  
  
_

_I love you  
  
_

"-but it didn't stop it, it didn't matter, I went along with it anyway. You see, Yami.."

"Which one?"

"Yugi's. about two weeks ago- you know when we were busy and not really seeing each other?"

I nodded not trusting my voice, what about Yami? What was he saying?

"well, we…oh god, I don't know how to say this, ..we kind where seeing each other behind you're back.. I was lonely and I don't even know what possessed me. Yami just…he… but I cheated on you…please don't hate me…" Ryou looked at me, I saw his eyes start to fill with tears.

_I hate you  
I can't get around you  
  
_

I didn't know what to say.  I was just kinda shocked. Trying to process what Ryou had told me. Ryou and Yami? Oh Ra.

_I breathe you  
I taste you  
I can't live without you  
  
_

"Malik? …You hate me right?"

_I just can't take any more  
this life of solitude  
I guess that I'm out the door  
and now I'm done with you  
  
_

" It's not possible to hate you Ryou." I said, finding my voice.

_I love you_

"But I hurt you… I'm so sorry, I can't even explain it…I don't know why I did it…" his voice trailed off,_  
   
I hate you_

_I can't live without you  
  
_

"It doesn't matter anyway…" I was hurt but I still loved him, I can't just turn it off.

_  
I left my head around your heart  
Why would you tear my world apart_  
  


"I love you Ryou."

  
_Always always always always  
  
_

" I love you too Malik, but you'd be better off without me. I just screw things up.."

_  
I see the blood all over your hands  
does it make you feel more like a man  
was it all just a part of your plan  
  
_

I could see the pain in his eyes, he felt terrible about it I could see the turmoil that'd been plaguing him, he laid it all out, and now it was my turn to act, I held all the cards, he was waiting for my judgment.

_the pistol's shakin' in my hands  
and all I hear is the sound  
  
_

"I can't hate you Ryou, and I don't want you to leave me."

_  
I love you_

Or did I? He'd betrayed my trust. Maybe we should take time apart.

"how far? How far did it go?" oh Ra, I don't know how I managed to ask, I didn't want to know. 

_I hate you_

" I stopped him before… but still…we…you should hate me." He finished defeated.

His words grounded me, I knew what I wanted. I was foolish to have doubted "How can you hate someone you love?" I took his hand and held it, something to show him I still cared. 

_I can't live without you  
I breathe you  
I taste you  
I can't live without you  
  
_

"Ryou, you told me, I can't hold it against you, you messed up but I don't care. I can't let you go."

_I just can't take any more  
this life of solitude_

"Ryou I need you."

"Malik…." Ryou moved next to me and held me, "I'm so sorry… I-I I can't believe what I did, and I want to make it up to you…"

"You're already forgiven Ryou,  no need to apologize more. I  just ask one thing."

"What's that?"

"Make sure Yami knows you're mine, I won't let him seduce my boyfriend."

Ryou smiled at that, "Gladly.  I already told him it had to stop."

_  
I guess that I'm out the door  
and now I'm done with you  
  
_

"Then you did all you could. Ryou, everyone loves you just make sure you know who you love, that's what important."

"I love you."

_  
I love you  
  
_

"I love you too Ryou." He edged closer in the booth, we sat in silence a moment.

"Our pizza's probably cold."

"Too bad. Hey, I'll make you something back at the apartment."

"I 'd like that."

I pulled out some money and left it for the waiter, Ryou and I started walking.  It was dark now, Ryou clung to me, it felt good to hold him.  as we walked back the doubts came, why had I so easily forgiven him? Most people would have left him without a second thought.

_I hate you  
I can't live without you_  
  


The answer came to me, it really was simple.

  
_I love you  
I hate you  
  
_

What I felt for him was deeper than some infatuation. I loved him with all my heart and I there was no room left for the malice it once housed.

I'm becoming dependant on Ryou, he's part of me, leaving him meant leaving some of myself behind. Not a thing one takes lightly.

_I can't live without you  
I just can't take any more  
this life of solitude  
  
_

Ryou had taught me a lot in the short time I'd known him. my heart had learned to love. I think if I left him I might forget how. I was hurt that Ryou had cheated but wounds heal, it would take us some time but we'd both heal. It's just make us stronger.

I pick myself off the floor  
and now I'm done with you  
  


That night we left something behind, done with it. I consider it the time that pushed us to the next level, nothing was going to break us apart. We would be together-always.

_Always  
Always  
Always_

*Owari*


End file.
